one of the things that I figured out over the last [years] is this is a good proposition, so 00:00:00

You know it's pretty self-evident that life is have got its rat's nest of miseries 00:00:05

And that's for sure. Maybe you could even make a categorical statement that life is mostly a rat's nest of misery 00:00:10

You know you could make a pretty powerful argument for that, but then there's a counter question which is well 00:00:15

What if you tried not to make it any more miserable that [had] had to be? 00:00:21

right then what then what would it be like and my suspicions are is that a 00:00:24

Lot of [that] misery I would suspect that most [of] that misery would go away because it's the unnecessary 00:00:29

Misery that really brings you down. You know it's like well someone has cancer. It's like that sucks, but 00:00:35

It's not like 00:00:40

you can say 00:00:42

If only we had done this differently then that wouldn't have happened 00:00:44

But when someone's out like car turing you in a malevolent way or maybe you're [doing] the same you can always ask yourself was 00:00:49

Really this really necessary is this just like I'm useless [add] [on] to the miseries of life 00:00:54

that's what disheartens people and so even in your own life if if you 00:01:00

If you aren't suffering from self-imposed misery and you're only suffering from inescapable misery 00:01:05

Maybe you could handle that and you know you could you could survive you could bear it [and] even maybe without becoming 00:01:11

Irredeemably corrupt, so the goal would be well yeah life is a rat's nest of miseries 00:01:19

And maybe it has no ultimate meaning we could say that we're feeling particularly pessimistic 00:01:23

But it still leaves one [question] open which is you didn't do everything you could to make it worse 00:01:28

how good could you make it be and the least answer is well it could be tragedy, but maybe not hell and 00:01:34

I think that's right 00:01:41

I really believe that that's that's the most pessimistic 00:01:43

Proper statement the [worst-Case] outcome in the worst of all possible worlds is that your life could be tragic, but not hell 00:01:45

And that's a lot better than hell, right it's it's you think I could give you an example of the difference 00:01:52

You're at your mother's deathbed 00:01:58

Well, that's tragedy here's another scenario 00:01:59

You're at your mother's deathbed and all you you and all your idiot siblings are arguing 00:02:03

Well, that's the difference between tragedy and hell 00:02:08

And you might be able to tolerate the first circumstance in maybe it would even bring you closer together with your family members 00:02:10

The second one no one can bear that you walk away from a situation like that sick of yourself and sick of everything else 00:02:16

Too and you know it's often the case that tragic circumstances bring out the dragons 00:02:23

Because the stress is high and all those things that people haven't dealt with 00:02:29

They don't have the energy to repress and and all the bitterness comes pouring forward it's like 00:02:33

Seriously, man, you know so that's actually a good. It's a rough lesson, but it's a good hallmark for figuring out whether or not you're 00:02:40

You've got yourself adjusted properly and in relationship [to] your siblings 00:02:46

It's like if you are all gathered around the bed of someone close who is dying 00:02:50

Could you manage it? 00:02:55

If the answer [is] no looks like well put your life together 00:02:57

Because it's going to happen and you should be the person who's there that can do it and do it properly? 00:03:00

And then maybe you'd find that it isn't the sort of thing [that] will undermine your faith in life itself 00:03:05

[and] I've seen I've seen both of those situations. You know ugly ugly ugly 00:03:11

situations you know 00:03:16

murderously ugly situations 00:03:18

and then they're opposite where people have had terrible things happening to happen to them as a family and you know they pull together and 00:03:20

They rebuild their damn ship and they sail away so that seems to me to be a lot better 00:03:28

That makes you know when the flood comes, right well okay, so the same thing the question emerges 00:03:35

Well, who are you well? You could say? 00:03:41

your this plan 00:03:44

That's what people usually that's how people [usually] identify. Maybe they have no plan at all, and they're just in Chaos, right 00:03:47

That's like being in the belly of the beast 00:03:53

nihilistic and Chaos they have no plan they're just chaos itself and that's a very dreadful situation for people to be in or 00:03:55

Maybe they conjure together a plan that's their identity. It's kind of fragile, and they're holding on to that with with everything 00:04:01

They've got it's the little stick [of] wood that they're floating in the ocean 00:04:08

Clinging to you know, and so they're identifying really hard with that plan 00:04:10

That's what happens when you're nydia. Log. Is that you're identifying really hard with that plan 00:04:15

The problem is if something comes up to confront it. Well. How do you act well? 00:04:19

You can't let go to the plan because you drowned 00:04:24

You cling to it rigidly? Well? That's no good because then you can't learn anything then if that's you you're a totalitarian 00:04:27

You're not going to learn anything you're going to end up in something that's close enough to hell 00:04:33

So that you won't know the [difference], and you might drag everyone along with you that's happen plenty of times, right? 00:04:37

It's the whole story the 20th century [haven't] over and over and over and it happens in People's States 00:04:41

It happens in their business organizations. It happens in their cities. It happens in their provinces 00:04:47

It happens in their [states] 00:04:53

And it happens in their psyches all at the same time 00:04:54

You can't blame the manifestation of that sort of thing on any of those one levels 00:04:58

It happens when a society goes down that way it goes down everywhere at the same time 00:05:03

It's not the totalitarians at the top and all the happy people striving to be free at the bottom. It's not that at all 00:05:07

it's totalitarianism at every single level of the Hierarchy including the 00:05:14

Psychological and so you don't want to be the thing you don't want to be in Chaos. That's for sure 00:05:17

But you don't want to be the thing that clings so desperately to the raft that [you] can't let go 00:05:21

When someone comes to rescue you right you don't want to be that? 00:05:26

So then you think well exactly what are you you know what the chaos you not the plan? 00:05:31

Maybe you're the thing that confronts the obstacle 00:05:37

and I would say that's the categorical lesson of 00:05:40

Psychology Insar as it has to do with personal transformation 00:05:44

That's what you always teach people in psychotherapy 00:05:48

I don't care what sort of psychotherapists you are you're always teaching them the same thing you're the thing that can you not 00:05:50

you're not the plan you're the thing that can confront the obstacle to the plant and 00:05:56

Then when you know even further that the obstacle is not only an obstacle but opportunity itself 00:06:00

Well, then your whole view of the world can change because you might think well 00:06:06

I got this plan something came up to object to it. It's like 00:06:09

it's 00:06:12

Possible that the thing that's objecting has something to teach you that will take you to the place where you develop an even better plan? 00:06:13

It's a nice framework to use. It's like are you so sure that this is a problem? 00:06:19

Is that the only way [that] you can look at it or is it an opportunity? 00:06:23

I mean, I'm not trying to be you know naively optimistic 00:06:27

There are some things that's pretty hard to extract gold from some dragons and maybe the death of a family [member] is a good example 00:06:30

of that but any even in the situation like that, I can tell you that it's an opportunity for 00:06:36

It's an opportunity for maturation. That's for sure [and] 00:06:41

The thing is you might say well 00:06:45

It's pretty miserable to go to be digging for gold when someone's falling into the grave 00:06:47

Well if they really love you first of all that's what they'll want you to do and second 00:06:52

You're going to make their death a lot more palatable experience 00:06:56

for them if 00:06:58

You're someone who can be in the room and be helpful instead of be you know quivering in the corner and feeling that the entire 00:06:59

[world] is collapsing in on you, and that's another you want to be the useful person at the funeral. How's that for a goal? 00:07:04

That's a good goal, man 00:07:11

You know that [you've] got yourself together in a situation [like] that 00:07:13

Because you're going to be at them and maybe you want to be the person on whose shoulder people cry 00:07:16

That'd be a good goal. That's kind of you know I don't like being naively optimistic 00:07:21

So when I tell you to get your life together, I'm not going to say roses and sunshine 00:07:26

It's like that's that's that's that's [pablum] for fools 00:07:30

But it really is something to be the reliable person at a funeral 00:07:35

Right and you can aim at that you can do that 00:07:39

It's [you've] got to be tough to do that because it also means that you can sustain a major loss 00:07:42

Without collapsing [that] you've got to be [a] monster to do that, right? 00:07:48